Friday, June 13, 2003

A Random Rant

Another one bites the dust. First my best friend, then my brother, then my mom. Disappointed? You`re damn right I am! All of them quit shortly after I it looks like I`m the last one standing. But you know something?? I`M NOT GONNA GIVE UP! I know that the margin of success when it comes to quitting smoking is quite small, but I`m in that small margin and I`m gonna stay there. I will not ever smoke again. Some days its bloody hard to say no, but saying yes is so not worth it. I`m going home for a visit in a little over a week...if mom is smoking full time by then, she`s going to catch major hell from me,even though I know it won`t do any good. She has so many health problems...high BP, high cholesterol, diabetes, poor circulation, osteoporosis..and oh yeah..she`s had 3 frickin strokes! How she`s avoided the big C this long I haven`t a clue! The woman is a ticking time bomb and doesn`t even care. The quality of her life sucks as it is...she`s a barely-walking why for chrissakes does she still flirt with cancer and emphysema?? She bitches and complains about how she feels now...what`s she gonna do when she has to drag an O2 tank around? She was all freaky about her recent cataract will she react to a tumour removal? I`m just shaking my head here. I don`t know what to do...the only thing I`m absolutely sure of is that *I* will not smoke. I can`t do anything about the actions of others, no matter how much those actions may disappoint or irritate me. I don`t want to lose my mom, but if she wants to smoke, there is nothing I can do to stop her. Her health problems...every last stinking one of them...are smoking related. I don`t want to end up like her...63 years old but more like 93. I see her quality (or lack thereof) of life, and that is enough to keep me on the straight and narrow. I have enough health problems of my own, and when I look at my mom I see how much worse it could be...even without cancer. I`m not convinced that it won`t rear its ugly head for her, though. That makes me want to cry, but it sure doesn`t make me want to smoke.


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