Sunday, January 09, 2005

Man, That Thing Was Nasty!

I finally went out and got rid of that ashtray full of butts. You know, the one next to the gas can! LOL That still makes me shake my flippin head. Most people would see the gas can and go "gee...maybe I better not stand next to that while I smoke." Partially my fault, though...I should've made sure nothing like that was nearby.Gaaahhh....did I just say that??? Where the hell else am I supposed to keep the gas if not in the garage?!

I avoided that ashtray for a couple of days. When I finally went out to deal with it, I was incredulous at the number of butts in it. She didn't go outside very often while she was at my house, but when she was, it was pretty obvious that she was chainsmoking 2 or 3 in a row. That ashtray shouldn't have been nearly as full as it was, considering she was only going outside twice, three times tops when she was visiting me. What was she doing...stocking up? She didn't really have to power smoke over at Wanda's...she had Mark to smoke with over there, so I imagine she was going outside pretty regularly. Now that I mention it, I think I know why I avoided that ashtray for as long as I did. I was pretty stressed over the holidays...I think I placed some sort of twisted glorification on those butts...figured if I went out there, I'd be tempted to do something stupid. I was giving those nasty little ciggy butts wayyyy too much power. When I finally emptied and cleaned that ashtray, I saw it for what it really is....nothing special. Just a black glass dish full of sickness and death. I shook my head and mentally kicked myself for thinking like a fool.


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