Grief sucks.

Sigh. I hurt. I've never had to put a pet to sleep before, but on Friday morning, I did just that. My Keisha kitty was nearly 12 years old, and cancer had ravaged her. I fucking hate cancer. She went from 15 pounds to just over 6....and she still ate like a pig - right up until the day before her death. I know she was suffering, but I so miss her. I'm also relieved that her pain and her struggle to breathe is over, but the pain of losing her is crushing. If this is what losing a pet is like, what the hell am I gonna be like when I lose my first person?? I'm one of those lucky few who has never lost anyone close to me, really. I lost one set of grandparents really young, so I didn't know either of them, and as for the other set...I lost my grandma at 13, my grandpa at 21, but didn't see them very often, since they lived clear across the country. Losing them hurt, sure...but it wasn't as bad as it could've been.

On Saturday night I almost asked my nephew for a drag of his smoke....then I caught a whiff of the stupid thing. Ewwwwwww!!!! That right there was enough to change my mind. Good thing too...because I know full well I wouldn't have stopped at one drag. I'd prolly have smoked the entire thing, then asked him for a whole cigarette....and then before I even knew it, I'd have been stopping at the 7-11 on my way home from the party and buying a pack. There's no such thing as "just one".