Monday, September 05, 2005

T minus 29 Hours.......

Until I start my first job in 5 years. Holy crap...ya wanna talk about nervous! I'll be OK, I know that....I went in 3 days last week for some orientation, and I'm going in today to find out how to close the pool. I've no doubt that I'm able to do the job. It's just that I haven't worked in 5 years, and I'm not sure how my body will react to three 8 hour shifts in a row. I'm trying really hard not to think about that, and to follow Nike's advice....just do it. I can't let that garbage into my head, for every time I do, I get that old familiar feeling. You know the one...that "omg, I'm freaked...a smoke will calm me" feeling. I know it's bullshit. A smoke won't do anything of the sort. All a smoke will do is make what I'm feeling now even worse. Not only that, but after a time, smoking will make it impossible for me to do my job. There's no way in hell I could've passed the physical criteria as a smoker.

It's a remembered reaction to stress, plain and simple. I've been quit two and a half years...but I smoked for 20. That's a drop in the bucket, really. I smoked as a reaction to EVERYTHING...good and bad, for a really long time. It's natural to occasionally think of smoking when the stress hits hard and fast. It's nothing to be afraid of, but something to keep in the back of your mind. As long as you do nothing about it, you're laughin'. That's the beauty of staying quit, really.....all you have to do is nothing.


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