Saturday, July 31, 2004

Worry is the Most Wasteful Emotion

I can hardly believe that I'm still smokefree. The last several months have sucked big time. I think that if I were to ever pick up a smoke again, it would've been over the last 4 months. Mickey and I have had some real heated conversations (big trigger), there's been a lot of strain between me and Hayley, and I've got family members that I could cheerfully ass-kick into next year. It's no wonder I'm a freakin family's full of em! No point getting in a twist over that bunch,'ll just do my head in. I'm crazy enough without them making me that way! lol I've been literally worrying myself sick over things that are way beyond my control, and it has to stop. The people will do and say what they want...nothing I can do to change that, so screw it. Who listens to what I have to say anyway? It sucks to not only be much younger than my siblings, but to have that crazy stigma to boot. I'm not allowed to get angry and tell people what I really think of their gets dismissed as the rantings of a madwoman. Speaking of rantings...sheesh! Let's move on....The other thing I've been worrying about is the damage I may have done my body from years of smoking. For several weeks, I had been really congested, with a runny nose and a cough. The cough was the thing that really bothered me. I very nearly had myself convinced that that was it...I was gonna buy the farm. God, I hate bipolar!! I finally get the cojones to go to the doctor....and it turns out to be rhinitis....a friggin nasal inflammation. I had so much garbage running back into my throat, it's no wonder I was coughing. I really need to keep in mind that non-smokers get sick too! Just because I quit, it doesn't mean my immune system won't fail me from time to time. I think this time I've finally put the worry to rest. Yes, I played Russian roulette for a lot of years...and one day it may come back on me, but not today. From now on, I plan to enjoy the hell out of today and forget's not here yet. It certainly isn't worth becoming a hypochondriac over!


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