I've Had It With This Arse

OMFG, I am sooooooooooo angry and I want to smoke sooooooooooo bad!!!!! I wish my brother would either get his shit together or crawl back under his rock. Today, one of the scumbags he knows showed up at my house looking for him.To call this guy a piece of shit is derogatory to feces everywhere. Even worse, my 13 yr old picked today to screw up and answer the door when I wasn't home. She knows better than that. She knows that I will ALWAYS identify myself if I've forgotten my keys and have to knock. So it was bad enough that she opened the door to a stranger, but it was even worse when I found out who the stranger was...a filthy, disgusting pederast who once asked my husband if he knew of any young girls who'd put out for cocaine. Goddamnit!! I am so sick of Alf, his alcoholism, his drug abuse, his lies, his refusal to get help, his claims that he's seen the light, and his scumbag friends that know full well that he's not staying here, so therefore have no business darkening my doorstep!!!!! If I thought for one second that a cigarette would do any good, I'd be forking over 10 bucks and smoking the whole damn pack in one sitting! Then where would I be? Addicted, broke, and way angrier in the long run.All it is is a remembered response to a stressful situation....that doesn't mean it's the right response. I've been pissed off lots since I quit, and I haven't lit up once. This time is no different. I'll go for another bike ride or something to calm down if I have to, and if I do go out, I won't be taking any money with me. I think I've made it rather clear to Kaitlyn that if she ever opens the door when I'm out again, she won't make it to 14. I didn't give her any details, but I made it very clear that she opened the door to a very bad man.One of the things that galled me the most was the fact that Alf ranted on about how the guy knows where he is if he wants to find him, and then proceeded to go on about things that, as the mother of 2 young girls, I REALLY don't care to hear when I'm that livid.. I'm already fully aware of what a nasty pig the man is, I don't need details that turn my stomach further!!! It seemed way too suspicious to me...like he was trying to deflect my anger from him and make my anger toward the scumbag worse. The bugger is obviously hiding something, but then, what the hell else is new?? This is the last straw. He needs to understand that his being here is nothing but a disruption...and dare I say, a headache...to all of us. He's obviously still not willing to make the effort to battle his addictions, to get proper help for his mental illness, or to even get a job. I don't know what on earth he wants from us. We've all tried to help him, but you can't help someone who isn't willing to help himself, and who invariably takes advantage of everyone who lends him a hand. Our hard-ass sister has even let him stay in this shack she has on her property, and as a result, he hasn't done thing one toward getting a job. After all, he has a free place to stay. I thought Wanda knew better after the way Alf once turned up at Mom's and squatted there for 3 months until she herself had to threaten to go all the way to the next province to kick him out if she had to. She had to know she was gonna get rooked by the guy. Aaarrgggghh! I've had it! Now I understand why people give up on relatives. If you've tried over and over to help them and they still prefer to wallow in their addictions, live at the bottom edge of society...and then freaking whine about it...what the hell is the point??