Thursday, May 12, 2005

This Was A Really Hard Day

This day started off like any other, then along about 9 am, it rapidly went to hell in a handbasket. The clinic called to tell us that there was a cancellation for the visiting pediatrician that we've been waiting months to see...only thing was, we had to be there within 15 minutes. So Mickey called the school and had them tell Kaitlyn to meet me at the clinic, while I flew around the house getting dressed and trying to brush my hair at the same time.

We've had suspicions for a while that Kaitlyn may have ADHD. Long story short, after a crapload of paperwork and questions, the doctor confirmed it. I feel like a huge ass because I already have a kid with this condition, and I didn't see it in her. The fact that it presents much differently in girls and that they often go undiagnosed until their teens is little consolation.

Immediately after that appointment, we had to take our 11 yr old cat to the vet. She's had a tumour in her breast for a little over a year, and when it was first checked, it was benign. Over the last 2 months it's almost tripled in size and she's lost a little weight. Long story short, it's cancer. It could still be operable...problem is, there's no guarantee they could get it all. It's pretty large. Also, she's developed a heart murmur that wasn't there last spring. Surgery at this point is very risky, and her chances don't look too good. It's pretty much a race to see which will kill her first...the cancer or her heart.

I think my head may explode. The ADHD I can deal with...Jared was diagosed in 2000, so I know what I need to do. I've dealt with this a long time. The guilt I feel for overlooking it for so long may strangle me yet, but I'm confident that I can pull myself together and go about helping my daughter. I'm having a little more trouble with the news about my cat. I've had Keisha since the twins were 2 months old...the longest I've ever had a pet. She's curled under the desk, sleeping peacefully...and I'm a basket case. *sigh* I've never really had to deal with death before. Sure, I've lost pets before...but not like this. They either ran away, or got hit by cars when I was pretty young. I don't know what to do. The vet said that she's not necessarily done, but the chances are pretty slim. With a tumour this size, chances are it's already metastasized somewhere. Even if we could get rid of all the cancer, there's still the heart condition to consider. Mickey thinks that we should just make her as comfortable as possible and let her live out the rest of her life at home with her humans until she gets to the point of suffering. Right now, she's still a happy, reasonably healthy cat...she just happens to have a massive growth in her mammaries. As for me...on one hand, I'd like to do everything I can to save her, but I don't exactly have $700+ dollars just laying around. The vet gave her a chance, yeah....but not a very good one. The other part of me is with is really risky, there's no guarantee she'd survive it, and even if she did, there's no guarantee that they can get all the cancer. I'd rather have her home and continue to take care of her and love her til the time comes to say goodbye, rather than have her prodded, pierced and sliced up to no avail...and taking the chance of having her die among strangers.


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