Tuesday, March 16, 2004



FFFFFFFFUUUUUUUUUCCCCCCCKKKKKK!!!! My mother has not only been relapsed since the end of January...she`s been lying to me about it all this fucking time! I cannot fucking believe it! Bad enough that she relapsed...but she was actually laughing as she told me. Like it was goddamn hilarious that she pulled one over on me for two months. "All the times we talked since the end of Jan, I was smoking and you didn`t even know! hehehehehehehehehe!!" GRRRRRRRRRRRRRRRRRRRR!!!! Oh hell, I know all the pat little lines...she wasn`t ready, at least she had X days smokefree, it`s ok as long as she keeps trying...yada yada frickin yada. I`m more pissed about the lying and giggling about it than the relapse. Real funny joke there, ma. I ran up my phone bill to the point of being astronomical for 3 months calling her nearly every damn day to support her, and for 2 of those months, she lied her fuckin face off. That really hurts, for chrissakes. And she starts screaming at me for being hurt and upset that she bullshat me all this time....sheesh! What does she expect...`aww, that`s ok, mom...you can lie to me whenever you want and I`ll just smile sweetly and take it`? Over my freakin dead body. Why won`t she get it? Why can she not see that every single one of her medical problems is directly linked to her smoking? The series of strokes she had 20 years ago should have woken her up...why was she given another chance if all she`s gonna do is waste it? I mean honestly....43 year old women don`t often have strokes just because. She was told point blank that her smokes were to blame, but she chose to blame me instead. Couldn`t blame the smokes...oh hell no. Ahhh FFS......