Saturday, April 30, 2005

How Can Being Outside Stink So Bad?!?

So we went downtown today....there was a big sidewalk sale thingy going on in the main street. There were all sorts of booths advertising paintball, whitewater rafting, repelling, rock climbing, etc. There was also a charity event in which local businessmen (my hubby included) were being pied to raise money for the food bank. It was hilarious...nine pies thrown, no hits. I even threw two...missed completely. :~s But yet the mayor gets up there, only has about 7 pies thrown at him...almost all direct hits. LMFAO

Anyway, I'm standing there watching...and I smell the most godawful stench. It surrounded me, and no matter how shallowly I breathed, or where I was there. I looked around, and it seemed like every other person had a cigarette. I was outside, ffs...but it was like standing in an enclosed room. It's amazing how much the smell turns my stomach now. Even on the rare occasions that I've thought about a smoke, the smell never fails to bring me up short. I hates it, I does. (said in my best Golem voice)

Monday, April 25, 2005

Awww Crap.....

Just visited the QuitNet a few mins ago and found a post from a familiar Q-ster. She quit shortly after I did...and was diagnosed with lung cancer just today. Fuck. I hate cigarettes...hate em hate em HATE EM!! Dirty, nasty, life stealing pieces of shit! Of all the crappy things that could happen because of cigarettes, this one scares me the most. I don't know why, it just does. Poor Kim....what a raw deal.

If anyone reads this and thinks, "well, there ya go..might as well keep smoking"....I say bullshit! That lady has a much better chance of survival than my hubby's boss, Bruce. He was diagnosed a couple years ago, never quit smoking....and probably won't see this Christmas. He's in and out of the hospital all the time...gets his treatments, and as soon as he quits puking, has someone wheel him out for a smoke. It's sad. He's got 3 kids, and in all likelihood, won't even see the oldest graduate from high school in June. He's in bad shape.

Man...sometimes life is just hard.......

Sunday, April 24, 2005

Oh. Yuck.

I was walking home yesterday when I got broadsided by the most god awful smell. A guy was smoking a cigarette across the street, and it smelled as if he was stood right next to me. I had to hold my breath until I got to the corner...about 10-15 feet away. I cannot believe I used to smell like that and what's more...I didn't even know! I couldn't smell it, so I figured no one else could either. I can smell a lit cig practically across the grocery store parking lot now, and it makes me want to hurl. They haven't smelled good to me since about 2 months into my quit. On those rare occasions where I think about smoking, they still smell bad to me. In fact, I've walked past someone smoking when I've been stressed and thinking junkie thoughts, and the smell is always enough to bring me to my senses. I think to myself, "I am NOT smelling like that again!" LOL

Thursday, April 21, 2005

What a Day! about a gorgeous day! I've had absolutely beautiful weather all week. Today I took the dog for a nice long walk, then I went for a swim. I've been swimming Mon-Fri for about 6 weeks now, and I've really noticed an improvement in my form, my cardio and my endurance. I remember back when I smoked...I'd try to do the front crawl and could barely make one length of the pool. I was so out of breath it wasn't funny...I'm surprised I didn't drown. Six weeks ago when the indoor pool opened, I could crawl one length of the pool just fine, but I was still a little winded and had to backstroke back. Today, I swam (front crawl) 4...count 'em...FOUR lengths of the pool before I had to switch strokes! Holy crapola! Not smoking RULES!

Monday, April 18, 2005

What's Up With This?

Lately, when I'm out walking and I see a cigarette butt or pack laying on the ground....I go outta my way to grind it under my heel. WTF is that all about? I also giggle when I do it. I dunno....but at least I don't do it when others are around! LMAO I guess it just feels good to be the crusher, rather than the one being crushed.

So I'm one month shy of being 2 years quit. I've written a spiel for my website:
I always seem to wax philosophical around important milestones. heheh I want to do something special to celebrate, but I don't know what yet. Should I buy myself something tangible, or should I just go out for dinner and a movie or something with hubby? Or we could take the kids to do something fun. I just don't know, but one thing is for certain....two years is definitely something to celebrate!

Monday, April 04, 2005

Master of Puppets

This is what I think of when the idea of a smoke crosses my mind. I refuse to be enslaved like this again.

Master of Puppets ~ Metallica

End of passion play, crumbling away
I'm your source of self-destruction
Veins that pump with fear, sucking darkest clear
Leading on your death's construction

Taste me you will see
more is all you need
you're dedicated to
how I'm killing you

Come crawling faster
obey your Master
your life burns faster
obey your Master

Master of Puppets I'm pulling your strings
twisting your mind and smashing your dreams
Blinded by me, you can't see a thing
Just call my name, `cause I'll hear you scream
Just call my name, `cause I'll hear you scream
[End Chorus]

Needlework the way, never you betray
life of death becoming clearer
Pain monopoly, ritual misery
Chop your breakfast on a mirror (or roll it in a paper...same difference)


Master, Master, Where's the dreams that I've been after?
Master, Master, You promised only lies
Laughter, Laughter, All I hear and see is laughter
Laughter, Laughter, laughing at my cries

Hell is worth all that, natural habitat
just a rhyme without a reason
Neverending maze, drift on numbered days
now your life is out of season

[Fade out with evil laughter].