Saturday, September 27, 2003


After nearly a month of waiting in hospital for an arterial bypass (his second), with his health deteriorating more and more each Dad finally got his surgery Tuesday morning and got home this afternoon. He says he feels 200% better! Yippee!!! I've been worried sick, I haven't seen him in a month. My step mom has been keeping me posted. He was in the closest major hospital..3 hrs drive... and I couldn't get away. It's such a relief that he's finally home and he's ok. I had quite a few rough days quit-wise...but I held on. First thing he asked me is, "You still quit?" I said, "Yep...wasn't easy though." He said, "'Atta girl!" *sniff*I'm so glad I didn't give in to my temptations. I don't often hear true pride in my Dad's voice...especially where I'm concerned. That alone was worth all the worry...all the stress...all the arguments with my inner junkie.

Monday, September 08, 2003

WTF Gives?!

Still in a rut. WTF is going on?!? I know full well that smoking would be a bad BAD idea, and I`m usually very content in my why is it on my mind so much? Frickin Nicodemon is pulling out all the stops since last week. I gotta ask myself something here.Do I really want to:

*choke my brains out every morning again?
*be scrounging for smoke money again?
*have to tell my kids that I can`t afford something that they need in order to have money to feed my demon?
*be out of breath after doing anything?
*smell like a dirty ashtray?
*fall asleep to the sound of myself wheezing?
*listen to my family perpetually coughing?
*face the disappointment of not just my family, but of myself?
*struggle to take a deep breath?
*lose the ability to buy whatever I, or anyone else in my family, needs...and not give it a second thought?

After listing all these questions...therefore having some time to think it over...the answer is.....HELL, NO!!! NO NO NO NO NO!!!!