Profound Thought For the Day

All I want to do is sleep, my muscles feel like someone used me for a wishbone....but healing always hurts. Think about it...any time a body part gets injured, it hurts like hell at the beginning, then the pain gradually subsides as it heals. Some people are lucky enough to make a full recovery and never think about the injury again, but others may experience flare ups every so often...so they need to take a deep breath, work through the brief burst of pain and carry on. Being afflicted with chronic pain, I see the quit as being similar. One more thing to grin and bear. My injuries have improved over time, even though I`ll never be cured by any stretch...and I had to work damn hard at it. Same thing applies here. This is basically an injury on a much larger scale than your average broken arm or whatever....but like the arm, the body will get better...just give it time.

How To Beat Feelings of Deprivation!

By not smoking, I am depriving myself of certain death caused by.....

*assorted types of cancer
*emphysema
*COPD
*heart attack
*stroke
*aneurysm

Cigarettes contain....*benzyne*acetone*cyanide*carbon monoxide*formaldehydeto name but a few. I would not willingly ingest any of these in their pure form...why would I want to in cigarette form???

Anatomy of a Fuck Up

My husband and I have been bitching and moaning at each other for over a week..dunno why. Came to a head last night, and it lasted into the wee hours. At 3 am I found a leftover pack in the garage. What can I say? I had about 4-5 puffs off a smoke and ended up tossing it in the street. I practically ran into the house and went to bed. I woke up at about 7 am, very sad and confused, unsure of how to deal with my emotions without my crutch. Remembered the pack and boom..a few more drags later......Anyway, the point is I screwed up and smoked. I haven`t smoked since this morning...been 6.5 hrs. M and I got things sorted out, so I no longer feel that horrible sadness, or like I`m about to claw my way out of my own skin. After smoking that second cig, I walked down to the store to talk to M. I couldn't go one more minute without getting things straightened out with him. When I got back to the house, I went into the garage and walked over to the old dresser where I kept that "just in case" pack. There was about 5 or 6 smokes left in it. I held it in my hand and looked at it for a long time...seemed like an eternity. Why was I letting these frickin' things have so much power over me?? I didn't feel better after smoking....in fact I felt a lot worse. Finally, I took a deep breath and slowly crushed that pack in my hand. I squished that little cardboard pack until the cigarettes were nothing but powder. Then I went to the garbage cans in the alley, lifted a smelly bag out of one and tossed the mangled pack in. I replaced the garbage bag I had lifted out, snapped the lid back on and went into the house.

The Beginning of a New Life

*all names have been changed

May 4,2003...Day 1

Ohhhh boy...I quit last night!! Yay for me! I thought to myself, why put it off any longer? I picked the 14th originally, but it just seemed to me that I was putting off the inevitable. Just trying to stay in my comfort zone, I guess...forgetting that there is no comfort involved in quitting the death sticks, at least not right away! So now here I am on the first morning of my first full smoke free day. I woke up shaking and sweating...but also wheezing and coughing. That served to remind me just why I no longer smoke. The crave was bad, but it passed. I`m even drinking my morning java! I won`t deprive myself that much, screw that!! hehehe If I can get over the morning crave so easily, even with coffee.....I believe this will be a successful quit. It won`t be pretty, I`m sure...but it WILL be successful!9 pm...OMG, what a day. I was shaking and sweating in my bed at a couple points today, but I kept telling myself nope, I don`t smoke...and I didn`t! Not one single puff! Even during my last quit, I snuck puffs for the first week before I quit for the 2. I came a little unglued around dinner, and very nearly walked to the store for smokes, but I think that might`ve been because I was almost an hour late changing my patch. Instead of going to one of the two deathstick vendors within a 3 block radius, I came to the Quitnet and read posts, posted myself and perused my library. Thanks to my stubborness, my patch (lets be honest here) and my newfound Q-munity, I`m going to bed a winner for the second night in a row! And I`m still sane so far! Wooo hooo!! Not too shabby considering smoking is all I know...been doing it as long as I can remember. Not today, Nicoprick...or any other day if I can help it.